Monday, August 13, 2012

Trying to stay happy on my dad's birthday

I spent the day with my mom today, remembering my dad on his birthday!  He died 5 years ago and it is still so very hard for her.  Personally, I try to remember the good times and knowing he is in no more pain; however, she just wishes he was here (as do I).  I wish she could smile on his birthdays and not be so sad.. but I do not know what to do to change that for her!  

I could not imagine loosing my husband after so many years together; and now she is alone and confined to the house due to her health.  I know she sits and dwells on the loss and negative things in life; and I wish more than anything that she had a companion to enjoy her life with or a hobby that could make her smile the way she used to.  I know I hate how she handles it, but I wonder would I be the same if I were in her shoes.

It is hard to spend the day trying to keep yourself from being sad and just remembering the good times on this day (his birthday) with her being so down.  It is especially hard on Valentine's day when you want to be happy and think of love, or even the kids wanting to share their Valentine's with her; because she doesn't think of it as the holiday it is anymore (I don't either as much anymore); because they buried him that day!!   

Don't get me wrong... I understand completely why she feels like she does, I only wish I could help in some way!  It's hard seeing someone you love in such a depressed state; and that doesn't allow me to be happy in the memories instead of dwelling on the lose!

My hopes are that she will one day be able to remember the happy times and the life the share without the sadness overwhelming her thoughts!